blegh...sorry!not a fun post

This is going to be a 'woe is me' post I think :p Please bare with me,and hey its my blog,I can moan if I want haha!

Having to stop running has REALLY thrown me!I've gone for the odd walk over the last few weeks but nothing major.I had started to feel pretty good about my body and now its just gone to hell (feels like it anyway).I hopped on the Wii this morning (because its pooping down with rain,and I don't feel like getting wet :p Thank God-really-for the invention of the Wii!),and I wouldn't normally even talk about my weight and how much it actually is...
BUT this is starting to get a bit ridiculous.Before I had kids I could eat like nothing,and yes gain a bit of weight but within a fortnight of controlling what I eat and only occasionally exercising I would drop two clothing sizes,no problem!!!Yeah...being pregnant for 18 out of 24 months changed that :p And because I breastfed for a year and a half after Sienna I didn't watch what I ate at all!Naughty me.Feeling like I'm now paying for that.

I know I can't do what I want (which is to stop eating entirely!),because that is not healthy,nor achievable long term,and just not treating my body how it deserves to be treated (I may not go to church any more but it still sticks with me that my body is a temple and I need to be kind to it).My Dad has Type 2 Diabetes and Haemachromatosis (however you spell it lol),he has had a heart attack and a stroke and hes only 59 (?I think).My Nan who I adore had a heart attack a few years ago,and honestly she is such an inspiration,she is in her very late 70's and after yo-yo-ing with her weight her whole life lost A LOT of weight!My Mum has also yo-yo-ed with her weight for as long as I can remember,has had to have 2 (and soon a 3rd) joint replaced and is in a hospital program to lose weight.My brother has Haemachromatosis.My Dads parents have both had strokes and heart attacks...seriously the list goes on and on...Needless to say hereditary wise,I need to look after myself..I know this,yet find it so hard to stick at losing weight!It is so incredibly frustrating!!!

At the moment I tend to find an excuse to not go outside and walk (thank you God for all the rain lol).So I thought maybe something a bit more achievable would be using the Wii on the days the girls are at kindy.Today I did 40 minutes of the step class (did 5200 steps),did 2 minutes of boxing (sounds pitiful BUT its hard core lol),did a couple training things for the baseball,then did all the exercises the physio gave me to do,AND 80 crunches!Phew...my muscles are sore.On the days the girls are at home I'll put them in the pushchair (while I can,they are over the weight limit for it now) and go walking.
I don't know,I feel like I'm just whining a bunch,and I apologise for that!I just feel like all my motivation (with doing the marathon) went out the window when I was told I couldn't run,and the thought of walking 21kms by myself is NOT appealing haha.I know I can do it,and heck by the time May rolls around I should be able to run even a few hundred meters at a time,its just right now I cant see it happening.And I REALLY REALLY REALLY feel like I need to more concentrate on losing some weight first...Now to stick to it!

So I am not confident enough to put a photo up of what I look like right now,but I will admit my weight...80.5kgs!Crikey!!!I had gotten down last year to 77kgs. I'm only aiming for a kg at a time.The Wii (evil thing sometimes) told me I should be 52kg.Now when I was 18 and anorexic I was at the smallest 58kgs and I did NOT look good!I guess ultimately by Christmas I would like to lose 10kgs but the mood I'm in right now I cant see it happening haha.
So I guess today is the start of this actual weight loss journey,wish me luck!


-on a side note,now to tell Steve!He hates me thinking I need to lose weight!
-annnd is it a good thing to cut out carbs?The only ones I have are weetbix for breakfast and rice or potatoe with dinner.Or is it just better to have smaller quantities?