Grateful for

Time for some positivity again...

Today I am unbelievably 100% grateful and thankful for my amazing husband.

Our relationship is far from perfect,but seriously the man is amazing! Within 2 weeks of us dating he had to deal with shit most men would have run away from. He still married me (and loves me) after I threw my engagement ring at him (gotta love how an 18 year old can act!). He finds me beautiful riddled with stretch marks and gaining a darn sight more than when we started our relationship.

He stuck with me through 2 horrible pregnancies and some crazy ass P.N.D.

He loves me even on days where I don't think I'm very loveable.

He provides for our family and WANTS me to stay at home with our children.

Every day he finds some small way to make me feel beautiful,special and loved.

After 7 years (6 being married) he still writes me love letters, he picks me flowers!

He gives up sleep because he knows I'm not good with less than 7 hours (well maybe that ones a survival instinct :p ).

He lets me steal his pillow (because after being pregnant 18 months in a row I cant figure out how to comfortably sleep without one wedged in beside me!).

I've always been grateful for these things,but I needed to write them down,as sadly at the ripe old age of 24 I'm already seeing my friends relationships go down the sink. I desperately want to be the couple that in 44 years time,on our 50th wedding anniversary say 'we did it!'. So many people were against us getting married,saying it would never work,but we're 6 years in and still going strong.

I just want to keep being grateful for my husband and never take his awesomeness for granted.

-The picture up the top,is actually a scripture I painted for my husband our first Christmas together and every time I walk past it,it reminds me what love really is, cheesey I know but it works!

Eeeek!

Have you ever had that moment when you look at some photos of yourself and go "Holy S#@T!!!Do I really look like that????" Having one of those moments right now.God they suck!Trying my hardest to breath and remember my sense of self is extremely screwed up,Im not stick woman,but Im not lard woman either.

I desperately want to embrace my curves,heck at this point its embrace them or cry haha.I want my girls to have a better sense of self than I do.So maybe this is a moment where I can breath through these feelings and think "Im not so bad" (and heres some honesty,I weigh 75kgs.So Im not huge but not small either.I worked fricking hard to get down from 100kgs.I just cant seem to stop comparing myself to others.But maybe sometimes Im the one someone else is wishing they could be?)

Anyone else out thee in blogging land have these thoughts?

*and a super big note to myself (and yes you chose to read this!), a reminder that I was pregnant literally 18months in a row,my oldest is only 3,so Im not doing too bloody bad*

Positivity

I've noticed that I can be really negative sometimes.So in the spirit of trying to be more positive....today I am grateful for my Mum.

She listens to me rant and rave and babble and not make sense alot of the time.She loves me just I am,no adjustments required!She is the reason I have my faith. Our relationships not perfect,and hell in my teenage years I never thought I would write this,but I am finding I am A LOT like her!And its not a bad thing :)

Twins????

I realised the other day that I've kind of stuck myself in this hole of people always thinking our girls are twins.They are the same height sitting in a trolley,and then I go and dress them in matching clothes,like all of the time!I cant seem to stop myself from doing it. So my lesson learnt today?Dont get angry when people assume you have twins!'

My mum told me the other day that they are 'Írish' twins.Not a phrase I had ever heard,so I had a group of older women explaining to me!Seems a bit racist to me haha. But yes they are kind of like twins,they share their clothes,their toys,their FOOD! Up until earlier this week they even shared a room. They have matching duvet sets, matching beds. They sit in a pushchair together. They swap careseats,depending on who gets to which one first.

Now my mum used to dress particularly me and my sister (though I have a photo of my brother wearing colour co-ordinated clothes with us!) in matching clothes and there is 5 years between us. So the question I'm kind of asking myself at the moment is, 'are my girls going to look back one day and hate me for this?Or can I hope like hell they will still be sharing everything even when they are teens?' Am I doing them a dis-service??

I think Im going to go out for a walk with them in their double pushchair,in their matching gumboots, jackets and hats and ponder this :)

Must be love

Sitting here on a freezing cold morning,Isabella comes up to me and says theres something on her sock,so Im sitting here picking dried up rice bubbles off her socks...I must really love her!!!!